That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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