Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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