After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
