I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
