You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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