oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
