Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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