Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
