I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
