Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
