your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
