I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
