i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
