fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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