I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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