you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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