haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Where is the hickey?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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