i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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