Nicole vs. Life
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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