Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
