just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
