i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
