he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
