Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
