only you would photoshop your dick
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
