I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
