just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
