I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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