I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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