Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
