this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
