i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
