My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
