If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
