Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
