Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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