I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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