she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
