I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
