There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
