I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
