My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
