Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
