Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
