I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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