I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
