oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
