drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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