Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
