Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
