You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
