do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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