Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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