today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
