shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
