dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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