my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just wanna soil my oats bro
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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