i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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