Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
