im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
