my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
