I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize