seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
