it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
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When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
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I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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