Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
