I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
