umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
