I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
