You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
