I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
