I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
