You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize