i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
