Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
