So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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