I'm going to jail i love you
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
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I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
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Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.