My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.