u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
