i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.