And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
