I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
