It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
