It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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